evening'sout
Two books ease through life, and lust, with a laugh
by Anthony Glassman
"They" say a lot of things.
They say that if you make that face, it will get stuck like that. They say that good girls don't. They say this, they say that.
They lie a lot.
However, once in a while something they say is true, like:
Laughter is the best medicine.
If that's the case, then Michael Alvear and Joel Perry should be made honorary MDs for their work in the realm of healing through hilarity.
Perry's That's Why They're in Cages, People! (Alyson, $14.95, paper) presents the co-author of The Instinct Guide to Oral Sex's cockeyed view of the world-and the child is absolutely not right.
From reminiscences of working at a piercing booth during! Long Beach Pride to his attempts
to get hired by the Weekly World News, Perry's fuzzy logic and furry back repeatedly come to the fore as he navigates the minefield of everyday life as a stocky, hairy, not-as-well-off-ashe'd-like-to-be gay man in the new millennium.
For instance, in his attempt to write an astrology column, he includes this assertion for Aries: "The key to freedom is with a partner. And until he comes back, you're never getting out of those handcuffs."
Then, of course, there was the time he went to the office on Halloween dressed as a top. A leather top. A big, butch leather top. Okay, that might be taking suspension of disbelief to a whole new level, but he did it.
Of course, the woman he spoke to in his office about his costume didn't understand why moving the armband from his right bicep to his
left bicep suddenly qualified it as a costume as opposed to his regular weekend wear, but his mechanic certainly knew what to do when he went to pick up his car that evening.
Perry's pretty funny, fairly spiritual, and more than a little demented. Of course, the book is worth purchasing if only for the 1950s cover photo of a baby crying while leaning on a birdcage. It's absolutely adorable.
A far less enchanting cover is on Men Are Pigs, But We Love Bacon by Michael Alvear (Kensington, $15, paper), who writes the column "Need Wood? Tips for Getting Timber" under his nom de plume Woody.
The column came about when Dan Savage's syndicate refused to sell his sex advice column to LGBT newspapers, despite his
Men are PIG®, But We Love Bacon
MICHAEL ALVIAR
sexual orientation and the fact that a good number of the people who write in to him are also queer.
Like Savage, Alvear also dispenses advice that is medically and psychologically sound, backing up his answers with a panel of professionals who ensure that he doesn't completely screw up someone's life.
His advice is direct and to the point (most of the time), often with a certain self-deprecation to it. Perhaps the only major complaint one could have about Alvear is that he is so obviously writing for gay men in his column that he occasionally makes comments that could easily be interpreted as misogynistic or trans-phobic. For example, his statement that he likes all kind of penises, "except on chicks," might seem humorous at first glance but could be very hurtful to a pre-operative trans woman. Generally, though, Alvear is quite funny, dishing advice and dirt and attitude with complete equanimity.
May 6, 2005
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 9
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